If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
