I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
