Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
