Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
