if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
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