I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
