what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
