think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
