What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
