I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
