Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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