I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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