somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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