fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
