I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He felt like a one man threesome
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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