I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I'm really busy with my period
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