Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
