mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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