i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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