You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Can you bring me the toilet please
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
