Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
