do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Randomize
