dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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