he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I intend to get homeless drunk
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
