i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
