I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
