Can i not drive my cunt home
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
