Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
