My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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