Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The Olympian is in my bed
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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