Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
