She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
3 2 1 whiskey
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
