perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
