Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
