eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
