I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
