I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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