I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
