I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Randomize
