I accidentally had phone sex last night
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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