I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
