I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
