i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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