her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
