My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
