Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
