I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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