he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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