If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
