great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
